No, it's really not about courage. It's about making myself believe in something which I have concluded to be untrue and irrational.

Is it really losing control if I believed that there's someone who is in charge of my life? I actually think I would have greater control of my own universe. There would be someone I can trust to sort out everything and to prevent bad things from happening.

It's the same thing (worse, I think) not to believe in a god - I am giving up control over to the forces of nature. I am nothing anymore - I do not matter, as I am a tiny and insignificant being, just a collection of atoms working together in the universe. When I die, there is no other life I can go to, everything simply ends. I do not have a second chance in heaven or whatever afterlife to redeem myself, to explain myself my life here, nothing to make it all seem worthwhile. Where is the control in that?

But the most important thing is, I do not believe. Belief is not a switch that I can turn on and off at will. I cannot tell myself, "OK, I want to have an afterlife to go to. I want my existence to have meaning. Therefore, I shall believe (shit I keep typing belive) that God exists and so I shall start praying to him." It doesn't work that way, because I already know that he doesn't. I would need proof, concrete evidence to show me if he does and make me... believe.

People used to believe that Greek mythology was real. Do you?

If I told you that he is, and that the fates control your life by, would you think that you would be relinquishing control by simply accepting it? Could you even accept it, if you know that they aren't real?